I Remember When. . . June 25, 2009

I remember when I was 23.  I remember late nights out with my friends.  I remember the freedom of not knowing where my life was going and constantly changing my mind about what I was going to do with my life.  I remember living in no less than 6 different places between the ages of 22 – 25 and a few roommates from hell.  I remember dating a least the same number of guys in the same number of years.  I remember feeling like someone was digging my heart out with a old, dull spoon every time one of the (well at least 2 of them broke up with me).  I remember some of the stupid decisions I made along the way – not quite remembering how I got home after a late night out at the bar, doing 95 (and faster) on I-95 after last call, giving a complete stranger - really a dance with a guy at a club does not mean you know him – a ride home and go in for a “cup of coffee” – Yeah right.  Stupid, stupid decisions, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Do I regret doing some of the things I did?  Yup.  Am I thankful every day that I made it out alive from that time in my life?  You betcha.  Am a grateful that I Higher Authority kept me save and everyone around me save from harm?  YES!

So why am I writing all this out?  One – because it’s 1:50 in the morning and I can’t sleep.  Two – because I feel it’s very therapeautic to reflect back on certain times of you life and realize how far you’ve come (and how thoroughly stupid you were with some of the decisions you’ve made).  And three – because I hope someone of my what dozen followers and find a lesson for themselves that I’ve already lived through.

It wasn’t easy being that age – 22 – 25.  For the most part, unless you decide to go on to grad school, you’re education is done.  Think about it since the age 5 your job has been school.  That’s your primary responsibility, the moving force in your life.  Sure you may have had part-time jobs during high school and college but your primary goal was to complete your education, no matter how far you wanted to go with it.  Then all of sudden – WAHM (no not work-at-home mom) you’re thrust into the “real world” with rent, utilities, student loans, credit card debt, insurance, car payments and the drudgery of a 40 hour work week.  Sounds really appealing doesn’t it.  Of course, who wouldn’t want to blow off a little steam now and then?  Who wouldn’t throw caution to the wind and make decision that lack any amount of common sense?  I did.  I’m sure just about everyone I know did.  As did many others out there.  I didn’t have a husband, kids or a mortgage.  I didn’t have anyone else dependent on me.  My decisions didn’t really affect anyone else.  Or did they?  How easily some of my decision could have turned really bad, really fast for not only me, but people around me, total strangers.

Like I said, I’m so very thankful that nothing seriously bad happened because of my decisions.  I’m thankful that my parents probably never fully knew all that I did (well, now they do).  I’m thankful that no one got hurt.  And I’m thankful that I grew out of it.  That age was fun.  I saw a lot, learned a lot about myself, and grew a lot.  But I wouldn’t want to relive it – not in a million years.

Thought for Today June 16, 2009

So my youngest, single and child-less, sister is visiting with us this week.  She came with me and the kids and experienced grocery shopping with two children the other day.  As she was strolling down the aisle, much like I used to pre-children, I was wishing I had a cattle prod to move her along.  For anyone who has never gone shopping with children, here is my Thought for Today.  Grocery, or really any type of shopping, with small children is meant to be done quickly and with the least amount of trauma inflected on yourself, the children and the many other innocent customers/store employees you are bound to come in contact with.

Not As Easy As You Think June 9, 2009

For anyone that thinks being a SAHM or WAHM is “easy” – just as my husband.  He was home today because of rain (his current project is building a barn) and he witnessed first hand what a normal day is like for me.  Up at 6:30; get the kids dressed (not an easy task) and out the door to get Bug to school by 7:50.  I actually “cheated” today and left Buddha home while I took Bug to school.  But then there’s breakfast, cleaning up from breakfast and everyone making their lunches (of course, because no one else knows how to clean crumbs and tomatoe guts off the counter), laundry (never ending), picking up following after Buddha to pick up everything she gets into, check various e-mail accounts, phone constantly ringing, ironing, banking, errands, lunch, clean up after lunch, changing diapers, vaccuming, dusting, working on clients’ work/projects, trying unsuccessfully to get Budha to take a nap, going to get Bug from school, helping with homework, making snacks, cleaning up after snacks, figuring out what to make for dinner – hoping we have all the ingredients and that things will defrost in time, negotiating truces between Bug and Buddha, still trying to get Buddha to take a nap, re-check various e-mails, continue to work on clients’ work, figure out how to make a 7 year old un-bored, making dinner, cleaning up from dinner, folding laundry, getting Bug ready for school the next day, getting both kids bathed, trying to get both kids to bed, doing paperwork with my husband.  And that list doesn’t even include days that I try to sneak in a workout at the gym, or start other projects around the house – like take inventory of my Avon products or the boxes upon boxes of kids clothes that I want to put into an on-line consignment store.  I do sneak in a shower every day too.  I’ve tried not taking a shower now and then but I just can’t do it. 

So to all of you naysayers that think being a SAHM or WAHM is like sitting around all day watching soaps and getting ice cream – NOT!  I challenge you to just visit a SAHM or WAHM for one day.  By noon my husband was climbing the walls, and that’s only with one kid home.  Just imagine what the summer is like. . .

Desperately Seeking . . . Myself June 6, 2009

Did you ever look in the mirror and wonder – who the hell is that staring back at me?  Where did the young woman that worked 40 – 50 hours a week outside the home go?  The one that would make nice romantic dinners for her husband without warning.  The one that would enjoy spending time just doing nothing – maybe reading a book or doing some crafts.  The one that would have “date night” with her husband once a week and take off for the weekend on a moments notice.  You know the one.  Where did she go?  She’s there – a little gray in her hair (you should really take care of that woman in the mirror), a little more wrinkles around her eyes (can we say, “time for a facial”).  She’s there – a little older and wiser (that’s debatable).  She’s a mom now and a wife of almost 11 years.  She works out of the home so she can be with her kids more than the babysitter.  She tries to sneak in little things that she used to like to do now and then.  She tries to remember who she used to be. . .

. . . Then she realizes who she used to be made her who she is today.